Curricula and Learning Links
Home and Life Management Skills
Ideas for Courting
Some of the HomeschoolChristian.com message board participants shared their thoughts on preparing their children for marriage.
Cathe: We have said that when the boys are ready for marriage - spiritually, physically, financially, emotionally - THEN they should start looking around them for a mate. We have also been praying for their wives for a long time.
We read I Kissed Dating Goodbye and I Gave Dating a Chance. I liked the second one better than I thought I would, because it's not about dating in high school but later, in college or even after that.
NM Stephanie: First we try and give them a vision for their life in that area. Goals to make and keep. We asked when do you think you would be ready to marry. My oldest son said when he is out of college and has a job that can support a family. He knows that if he starts dating(courting) girls prematurely then he could upset this goal. He knows that there is no reason to see girls before he can get married. doing that would only foster the desire to get married before he is ready to care for a family.
Regarding kissing, we tell our kids that the Bible says the boys are to treat unmarried girls as sisters and the girls are to treat unmarried boys as brothers. Then we ask them, are you physically affectionate to your sibling in a manner other than a brother or sister should be? This has made sense to them.
CLW: Courting vs. Dating -- I think there's a BIG difference here. I never "dated" anyone at all until I was 16. Talk about not understanding life in general!! I had no clue what dating would be like and how madly in love I would fall for my first young man. We both behaved very well together until we began being left alone. Then the old nasty flesh entered the picture. I made many mistakes in those days that God has forgiven me of.
The Lord literally cut me off from this young man. We were to marry and God knew that he wasn't the right guy for me and allowed this young man to die two weeks before we were to marry.
You'd think I would have learned my lesson, but NO, I proceeded to date more and found out real quick that whether a young man was a christian or not, if you are left alone with a person of the opposite sex, you are merely tempting your flesh.
I made a commitment to the Lord that I would not "date" per se ever again unless I was seriously looking at the young man for a future spouse and it made things so much easier for me. It was REAL easy with most guys to determine whether or not they were the right one to pursue as a marriage partner, many times without even talking to them, but merely observing their actions.
The day finally came when I met my husband while working as a volunteer with Teen Challenge. My main interest in a young man was not his looks, but rather his heart toward God. I saw in Mike a passion for serving Jesus similar to my own. A friendship formed out of sharing ministry on the same street witnessing team. After a couple of months he asked me out.
I was PETRIFIED. I certainly didn't want our relationship to go where the other's had led in the past with fleshly interludes. When my hubby asked if he could hold my hand, I said, "NO, I'm not ready for that yet!" Mike still pursued me. This went on for months. I tried my best to NOT be alone with him and always have someone else with us when we spent time together. Our time together always ended with prayer, not a kiss.
It has truly been a wonderful thing to see the difference in all my past relationships vs. this one. There wasn't any focus on the flesh at all in this relationship as we were both seeking Jesus will in our lives and for each other.
I still remember one thing very clearly that my hubby said to me shortly before we were engaged, "Don't look back at the mistakes you made in life, Cindy, because I will not hold your past against you. I look at your life and see the beautiful things God has done in your life since you committed to serving Him. I see you in the same eyes that God sees you...FORGIVEN!"
My husband was perhaps my first taste of how God purposed a young man and woman to interact, despite all my other trial and error situations. We are currently reading books on courtship now.
We are beginning to see the beauty of waiting to date until a young man or woman is of age to consider marriage and not beforehand. We are also wanting to double date with our daughter's when they are ready to date and not allow them time alone to get into trouble. Christian or not, as Paul said in Romans...Why is it I do the very things I DON'T want to do. The answer is simple. We have a battle that is constantly raging between the flesh and the Spirit of the most High God in our lives.
Reb Bradley wrote an excellent book on courtship vs. dating, entitled Dating is it Worth the Risk?.
Keep your eyes on Him and hold onto the anchor He alone can provide through the storms of life and you can't go wrong as a parent.
